Reflection: I Just Called to Say I Love You

In the 1940s and ‘50s, and in several reboots to follow, there was a show on TV called “This is Your Life.”

It featured a celebrity guest, who came onto the show not knowing they were the star, and was then ambushed by a series of people from their past. In the space of an hour, it walked people through a type of life history.

While the show is no longer in syndication, the concept persists in a variety of talk shows and flash mob concepts. Steve Harvey has built a niche out of allowing his staff to surprise him with guests from a variety of seasons of his life.

Watching people who are prepared for a living get surprised in real time is a gift. For me, at least, it never gets old.

My wife specializes in version of this artform.

For birthdays, she will often create videos that offer the collective well wishes of friends, family, colleagues, and anyone else she can recruit, from the robust present and the distant past. Each person has the opportunity to be as brief or as thorough as they desire.

Some say “happy birthday,” and offer a kind word.

Some share memories, or historical artifacts

Some expess themselves in song, dance, or poetry.

Some preach full-on sermonettes.

By the time it is done, it is not uncommon for the videos to be 30 to 45 minutes long.

They are overwhelming.

I think these biographical blessings are good for several reasons, for the giver and receiver alike.

They give people a platform to say things they might never say, or never have said, face to face.

They empower the community to give a blessing. No one person has to carry the moment. People say beautiful things, but the true weight of the presentation is in the collective. You come away not just being moved by one person’s thoughts, but by 10. Or 20. Or 50.

Perhaps most importantly, they let people know they are loved. I believe in giving people their flowers while they can smell them. In my early years, I kept a lot of feelings to myself, because I didn’t like being emotionally vulnerable. At a certain point, I switched to keeping my feelings to myself because I was concerned about being too intense, an oversharer, etc.

But sometimes you have to go outside your comfort zone to say what needs to be said.

These days, I have the sacred privilege of visiting people in their final days, or comforting people who have just lost a loved one. And out of that has come a different conviction: I don’t have time for regret.

I have presided over homegoings where people expressed their regrets over unresolved conflict, or a fellowship that had grown strained over time.

They expressed their anguished hope that the deceased knew how they really felt.

And my prayer, and usually my belief, is that they did.

But it’s always better when we can know.

It’s why I always seek to end conversations with “I love you,” even if they were arguments.

So I try, at each opportunity, to let people know what they mean to me.

Sometimes they reciprocate; other times they don’t. That doesn’t matter. My feelings aren’t really important. What matters is that I choose to love someone with the time I have.

Jesus said people would know his followers by their love for one another. And while we express that love in many, entirely non-verbal ways, we can draw a key principle from this word: love has no need to hide.

There are generally three groups of people in the birthday videos.

1. People I expect to hear from, who say lovely things I might have imagined they’d say: We may know how friends and family feel about us. It is no less important that we communicate it. I believe you tell your loved ones you love them every day, even if they roll their eyes. Even if they find you goofy, or overly emotional, or whatever. You never know when they will need to call on that understanding. You never know when it will be your last opportunity to tell them. So, tell them.
2. People I expect to hear from, who say things I could never have imagined they’d say: Some of these are people I have known forever and see often. Sometimes, when you’ve been friends with someone for 20, 30, 40 years, you have the privilege of learning what they thought when they met you, or where you have fit in their lives. And this, if you have any insecurities, can be shocking. For most of my life, my friends have helped me feel normal. On some level, then, I saw them as the people who were kind enough to put up with me. It rarely occurred to me that I might be a blessing to them. It’s a pretty egocentric way to approach relationships. I’m the only one who has needs? Or problems? Until, we get over ourselves, however, we will often be surprised to learn the ways in which we have made a difference.
3. People I would never expect to hear from, who say things I would never have tried to imagine in the first place: Sometimes people just surprise you. Sometimes, when your wife specializes in killer cameos, she finds someone from the deep and distant past. Sometimes, she recruits other family members, who can fill in the gaps. It takes a village to raise a child. It may take a village to fool an adult. But for the right cause, it’s worth it.

I pray, today, that you take the opportunity to tell someone you love them.

I pray that you learn something surprising about your role in someone else’s life.

I pray that you choose to be part of the village and choose to let the village love you.

Just know that I love you.

And there’s nothing you can do about it.

(Photo Credit: RDNE Stock Project)