I had the privilege of performing a homegoing last night for a man who lived well.

In most of our services, the family chooses three speakers to precede me with brief reflections.

Sometimes, however, we have a more open time of sharing.

At this service, they opened the floor. And for half an hour, person after person came up to say how this man had touched their lives.

And at some point a man got up and said, in so many words: I know a lot of people. But I don’t have many I call friends. I don’t use that word lightly. If I call you my friend, it means something. It means I know you’ve got my back, no matter what. It means I’ve got yours, no matter what. I called him my friend.”

And It made me think.

Some of us are quick to call people our friends.

We may do it optimistically, in the hope that they become the people we want them to be.

We may do it manipulatively, to try to manifest relationships that haven’t had time to develop.

We may do it naively, offering a trust that hasn’t been earned.

Whatever our reasoning, we can later discover that people we expected to have our backs just don’t.

We can also realize that we are not living up to the titles we claim. I say I’m your friend, but I don’t show up for you at all.

So wherever you find yourself in these descriptions, I lift you up, today.

I pray for anyone who needs a friend.

I pray for anyone trying to be a better friend.

I pray for friendships in transition

I pray for friendships that have hit a bump.

Proverbs 17:17 NLT says " A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.”

Loyalty is a tricky concept. Does it mean I support you no matter what you do? Does it mean I support you, even though you don’t support me? Crisis reveals character. It also tends to illuminate the spirit of our associations. Sometimes we discover that we are not as faithful as we think. Sometimes we discover that people we trust aren’t on our side. We’re just on theirs.

Proverbs 27:17 NIV says "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another".

Sometimes friendship involves telling people things they need to hear, even if they don’t want to hear them. Some of us make a point of surrounding ourselves with people who won’t challenge anything we do. We want cheerleaders, no matter how bad we’re playing. But you can’t sharpen iron with a pompom. And people who lie to each other to protect egos empower con-artists who exploit ego-driven lies. It’s The Emperor’s New Clothes. We’re all telling you your outfit looks great. And you’re naked.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NLT says “⁹ Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ¹⁰ If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ¹¹ Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? ¹² A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

You never know when you will need help. You’re self-sufficient until you fall down. You’re warm alone, and then life gets colder. You are strong enough to fight one person, but three show up. Receiving help, however, means receiving it in all its imperfections. Sometimes the friend lying next to you has ice cold feet. Sometimes the friend who will join you in the fight talks too much. Maybe, though, you can spend more time listening. And you can always wear socks.

Proverbs 18:24 NLT: “There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.”

Can I call you my friend if you bounce in times of trouble? Should I call you my friend if you occasionally join the opposing team? Sometimes we grant people tenure who really need a performance review.

John 15:12-15 NIV “¹² My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

Love desires to benefit the other at the expense of self. Love gives. Love sacrifices. Love shares.

And love is contagious.

If we grew up seeing our parents in a loving relationship, we should learn to be better spouses.

When we are the recipients of good friendship, we should learn to be better friends not just in return, but with the next person we encounter.

Love doesn’t hoard understanding. Love doesn’t keep secrets.

I pray that in our quest to be better friends we would share the things we know.

I pray we would not be so focused on our appearance that we allow others to suffer because they don’t meet a standard we are pretending to hold

I pray that we wouldn’t be so focused on our success that we try to exclude everybody from our wins.

When we grow, others can and should grow with us. I pray our relationships would not be driven by the fear of competition or betrayal, but that we would recognize that there is enough sun for everyone.

And we were friends with 10 year olds when we were 10. But 20 years later, if we still want to hang with fifth graders, something is wrong.

I pray we become better friends.

I pray we grow up.

(Photo Credit: Cottonbro Studio)