Proverbs 9: 7-9 GNT

⁷ If you correct conceited people, you will only be insulted. If you reprimand evil people, you will only get hurt. ⁸ Never correct conceited people; they will hate you for it. But if you correct the wise, they will respect you. ⁹ Anything you say to the wise will make them wiser. Whatever you tell the righteous will add to their knowledge.

Offering correction involves risk.

One organizational principle I live by is that relationship must precede correction, and that relationship must be rooted in love. Unless I love you, I have no authority to speak into your life.

It’s why strangers on social media have few meaningful exchanges. It’s also why Devil’s Advocacy is often nonsequiturial baloney. I’m offering a contrary position in which I don’t believe and have no stake as an intellectual exercise, on an issue that to you means a great deal.

I need to bring my heart to the table if I want to be a healer.

I have to love you to correct you.

What if I love you, though, and you love you more? What if you are incapable of receiving love, or loving me in return, because you experience anything other than praise as an attack? What if your entire worldview is saturated with defensive, self-excusing soul armor?

The translation above refers to the problem person as conceited. Other translations call them “mocker”, “scoffer”, “scorner”, “bragger”, or just “evil”.

We could also call them a narcissist.

A person who believes in themselves but has no respect for others will not respond well to the observation that they are wrong.

They might insult you: They might condescendingly mock your ignorance, even if they know they are wrong.

They might make a scene: They try might bully you into backing down or embarrass you into quitting. They might look to goad you into saying something that will turn the crowd against you.

They might hurt you: It doesn’t have to be a punch in the nose. It could be an attempt to question your knowledge or assassinate your character. They might look to damage your reputation, and diminish your influence, all because you dared to challenge their authority to say and do whatever they want.

They might hate you: Often the conceited person is masking deep insecurity. They have holes in their soul that cause them to feel small no matter how big they get. So when you have the audacity even to suggest that they are not 100% correct about everything, they may feel like their world is falling apart. They then lash out at you with baffling force. Many people who call themselves counterpunchers have an infinite ability to see themselves as the victim, no matter how big their footprint actually is. So they habitually clap back at people who haven’t even really hit them in the first place.

They might ask their friends to come beat you up: People who with power who think they have none are dangerous. People with connections who pretend they are innocent and small are often vicious. Some of the most badly behaved children I have ever encountered are the ones with grizzly bear moms who think they can do no wrong or stonewall any suggestion that they have. You’ve got a seven-year-old who is an aspiring demon because he knows his mother will take everybody out.

The person who demands the benefits of community while refusing accountability to the community spreads poison wherever they go.

In polarized times, we often mistrust people who aren’t like us. And we can choose to declare that anyone who corrects us is not like us, and therefore suspect. We can use our differences as an excuse to dismiss things we don’t want to hear. It’s easy to dismiss inconvenient truths as “fake news,” especially when the source is someone our tribe widely disdains.

One antidote? Wise people.

Wise people look to learn. They are honest about not knowing everything, and not having everything together.

Wise people will respect you for correction. They have a desire to grow. They still stumble, but they are genuinely working on themselves

Wise people will become wiser from correction. They use new information for good, instead of looking to weaponize it to torment, or repackage it to deceive.

Wise people will add new information to their knowledge.

We never arrive. We only grow.

May we all keep growing.

May we all get wiser.

May we all grow up.

(Photo Credit: Karolina Grabowska)

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