Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.

¹⁸ A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,
but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.

“Them’s fighting words.”

I associate this sentence most strongly with Bugs Bunny. In It was his cartoonish response to the aggression of Yosemite Sam, before daring him to step over a line in the sand, followed by another, and another, that resulted in him walking off a cliff.

The same trick worked on a diving board.

The same trick also works on us.

The person who invites us to fight should be viewed with skepticism. Maybe they are overconfident. Maybe they are bluffing. Maybe they know something we don’t.

There is, however, a parable in the person who utters fighting words, then takes step after step in standing strong, before walking to an entirely avoidable fall.

We often treat conflict like an irresistible force.

We face a dispute, and our only choice is to fight.

The truth, however, is that conflict is a stewardship opportunity.

We disagree with someone. Someone disappoints or disrespects us. How will we handle it?

We can amplify or deescalate.

We can counterpunch or walk away.

We can use our words or start swinging.

And if we use our words, we can choose words that promote peace or use the ones we know will hurt the most.

Conflict is a stewardship opportunity

In his book, “The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict”, author Ken Sande speaks of conflict as a gift from God we can either use to glorify him or mismanage and create greater problems.[1]

He identifies three groups of responses to conflict. At the extremes are peacefaking responses (suicide, flight, and denial) that lean toward passivity, and peacebreaking responses (assault, litigation, and murder) that lean toward aggression. In the middle, however, we find peacemaking: overlook, reconciliation, negotiation, mediation, arbitration, and accountability.[2] These are where the rubber meets the road. These are where we hash things out, and stand the best chances of ending fights without starting new ones.

We can say that when we fight, we are simply responding to another person’s actions.

But you wouldn’t punch a baby.

You likely wouldn’t scream at your grandmother.

You probably wouldn’t belittle your boss.

There are any number of responses that, if aimed at the wrong person, would bring an outcome so negative that it inspires us to moderate our response. And if that is the case, it demonstrates that we can choose our response to mistreatment, no matter how unacceptable in may be.

The question is, do we want to calm things down or stir them up?

Telling someone off may feel good. Humiliating people who have hurt us may satisfy our desire for revenge

And like the hot-tempered person of verse 18, some of us stir conflict because we would rather have the fight than do the work of reconciling.

We would rather vent than listen.

We would rather say “up yours” than “I’m sorry.”

And that’s a choice.

And choices have consequences.

Bugs Bunny invited people to fights that he, defying the laws of physics and gravity, and manipulating time and space, would inevitably win.

And Yosemite Sam, in a cartoon-world demonstration of resilience, would take the death fall, land in a puff of smoke, and march back to lose again.

But most of us won’t survive the death fall.

We probably can't call someone a "Rackin'-Frackin', Rassa'-Frassin'" so-and-so without hearing from HR.

So we are left to decide which battles we will fight, and how.

We are left to figure out if our greatest threats are in front of us, or within.

And if we keep marching off cliffs, perhaps we can do something Yosemite Sam never does.

We can learn.

(Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio)

[1] Ken Sande, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict (Grand Rapids, Mich: Baker Books, 2007).

[2] Ibid.