I’m sitting at my father’s bedside feeling hopeful and helpless.

We’ve had good and bad moments.

We’ve received good and bad reports

We’ve been promised good and bad days.

In a steady storm of opposites, I have found myself in the middle.

And that’s pretty much where I’m sitting right now, between optimism and fear, between what I know and what I can’t predict.

Just between.

When I’m facing uncertainty I tend to overthink.

This morning, however, I received a great word reminding me that my status with God comes not from works, but from faith, so I can’t do any of this by myself.

I think in crisis, we scramble to find things we can control

So, whatever we do, we want to do more of it. If we serve, we want to serve more. If we feed, we want to feed more. If we do logistics, we want to oversee more. If we counsel we want to talk more.

And I think this is a compulsion for many of us. You may call it a messianic complex. You may call it superhero syndrome. You may call it being a parent, or a spouse, or a friend.

You may just call it a Tuesday.

If we are in helping professions, we bring it to our work. We teach, and counsel, and caretake, and protect with the conviction that if we don’t do it, no-one else will.

And there’s a place for all of that.

But I caught myself this morning, looking at the village that is supporting my father, and thinking I have 48 hours to make X Y and Z HAPPEN.

And I don’t.

Because the reality is that I can’t make anything happen.

Yes I can bring me to the table. I can encourage and advocate. I can bridge-build, and connect. If there are misunderstandings or conflicts, I can try to be a vessel for reconciliation

And I absolutely should.

If the choice is between being a charitable encourager and a gossipy critic, the choice is clear.

But I have invented nothing. I didn’t create these circumstances. I didn’t forge these relationships. I won’t be able to control them when I leave in two days. I can’t even control them now.

All I can do is show up and help. All I can do is listen and learn. All I can do is care. All I can do is love

The Bible has more than one word for love. The one that most drives me, is “agape.” It is the perfect love God has for humanity, and, at our best, we for Him.

It basically means to prioritize someone

Love desires to help others at the expense of self.

It doesn’t mean love is self-destructive. It does mean it is self-sacrificing.

This is the standard to which 1st Corinthians 13:4-8 calls us: patience, kindness, generosity, humility, selflessness, grace, integrity, perseverance. Love goes the extra mile

As often as we invoke it at weddings, it speaks primarily to the love we should have in community. If you love your brothers and sisters, your family and friends, you give, you trust, you persevere, you wait.

Love waits. And right now I am waiting.

So today I will love.

Tomorrow I will love.

Wednesday I will likely leave, but I will continue to love, and I pray you do the same.

Traveling mercies.

I’ll see you on the ground.

(Photo Credit: Cats Coming)