Throw out the mocker, and fighting goes, too. Quarrels and insults will disappear. – Proverbs 22:10 NLT

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. – Proverbs 22:24-25 NIV

We often underestimate the power of our associations.

We think we will control our environment no matter who we let in it. We make our own decisions. We’re grown. We’re in charge.

But two cannot walk together unless they agree. When we join people whose approach to relationships differs sharply from ours, either we’ll rub off on them, or they’ll rub off on us.

And chaos usually beats order, because order requires intentionality, and chaos can do whatever it likes. It’s far more difficult to build or protect a house of cards than it is to knock one down.

A single instigator can create conflict for an entire group.

A disrespectful person can bring out the worst in everybody.

The Bible speaks of mockers as those who oppose wisdom. They don’t just ignore wisdom. They have contempt for it, and for those who practice it. Maybe they’ve experienced disappointment. Maybe they are guarding secrets. Whatever their reasoning, your wisdom angers them. In community, therefore, they are not safe. They will undermine your influence. They will ridicule your sincerity. They will weaponize your transparency. They will sabotage your efforts.

You may be standing, with no shoes, on Holy Ground, but they will wipe their dirty boots all over it, for the purpose of desecrating your space.

The mocker is toxic to healthy community.

The hot tempered-person, likewise, both models destructive responses to common irritants, and creates problems that force you to participate.

Hot-tempered people don’t solve problems. They multiply them. They make enemies. They overreact and respond to trouble with unnecessary force. They create new beef that didn’t previously exist. They indulge their urges to react, because they never learned And they give other people permission Their petulant approaches to conflict embolden other people

When your friend is in trouble, love dictates that you have their back. When your teammate gets jumped, you jump in to help.

But if your friend starts trouble, they are dragging you into unnecessary conflict. If they are the one doing the jumping, particularly with the confidence that you’ve got them covered, they are abusing your loyalty.

And if they do this habitually, you may need to reposition them before their selfish, chaotic choices ruin your reputation, or get you hurt.

A child with anger management issues needs to be corrected, guided, and taught new ways of dealing with their anger. An adult may respond to the same approach, but they may also have spent a lifetime developing habits that work for them quite well. They get what they want from bullying others. They enjoy the sensations of losing control. There may be a spirit that comes over them, but they choose to surrender to that spirit. People like this have often developed a series of coping strategies to accommodate this lifestyle, which means that they know how to walk in their ways and survive.

You don’t.

If you join up with them, and start imitating them, you are far more likely to get caught than they are.

You will pay the price, while they are living their best life, and brining their circus to the next town.

In a future post, I will consider origin stories: what creates a mocker? What makes a person hot-tempered?

In real time, however, you don’t have that luxury. While you are sympathetically wondering what makes these people mad, they will destroy everything you have built, and enjoy themselves while they’re doing it.

You can choose who you let in your circle. You can choose who you emulate.

Choose wisely.

(Photo Credit: Wendelin Jacober)